I’m not sure when I first realized my entire life was a lie.

That sounds as dramatic as a middle school relationship, but the fact remains all the same. At 32 years old I had already been married for over a decade. I had two children who were the center of my entire existence. I had a successful career. I was integrated in my community.

And you know what? I was miserable.

I had a perfectly crafted mask to suit every occasion life threw my way. I was surviving my life, not living it. I had been stuck in this existence for so long it felt like my identity. I felt leaving my marriage would determine my eternal fate, so I lived inside of a religion that taught me to suffer is to live for God.

Fear kept me frozen in time. So, I suffered. I played the part of a happy, self-assured woman who lived to be perceived by the world. From the outside looking in, I was living the life most women dream of.

But the ugly truth of my life was that my existence was not mine, it was merely a part I played so seamlessly I deserved an Emmy. But something changed…I listened to the voice inside of my soul. When I looked at that girl in the mirror I saw shame, defeat, fear, guilt and hopelessness.

So, I decided to change it. I found my voice, and although it shook, it did not silence. I upset the masses and went against the grain. I experienced social exile, religious shunning, false rumors and opinions I never asked for.

The world I knew came crashing down around me. The veil began to fall, allowing me to see clearly on my own.

During these past five years, I have reclaimed my identity one scar at a time. I learned I didn’t need to be rescued by someone; I needed to rescue myself. I’m learning who I am, one day at a time. I’m redefining what my life looks like on my terms.

I started this blog because I want to offer a gentle “You are not alone” to all of the women enduring the same painful truths.

There is beauty in the struggle- it breeds warriors.